I want to preface this post by saying that there is no way to be 100% safe when you do this job. You can do everything right and still have your information leaked online. You have to decide if it’s worth the risk.

SOCIAL MEDIA & Your digital footprint

Your first step should be either deleting or making private your personal social media if you plan to show your face, tattoos, or anything from which you can be identified.

The second would be to bookmark sites like PimEyes. Once a week, once a month, once a quarter – the frequency is your choice – make sure to check this database and request for your images to be removed. You should do it before you get started as well to remove any media from places like Instagram, TikTok, even LinkedIn. Trust me when I say that if someone is dedicated enough, they will find your information.

PimEyes isn’t the only site like this. Google some others and see about getting your information removed from their databases as well. Unfortunately there are too many to get all of them.

Stage Name

A stage name is going to be your first line of defense. If your name is John Smith, you’re not going to call yourself Long Johnny or something. If your name is Alice Stevens, you’re not going to refer to the classic Alice in Wonderland with your name. Choose a name or title that invokes the kind of persona you want to advertise.

I started as Goddess Sara with the username bbwgoddesssara because it fit the Domme persona I was going for. When I added the last name Sitwell, that still fit with my content – I sit very well.

If you’re really struggling, open up a baby name book. Sounds kind of odd, given the reason for the name search, but treat it like you’re a writer coming up with a character name. Baby name books and sites are used all the time by writers.

Contact Information

You’ll want to create an email address specifically for your new venture. Not only for your privacy but also to keep things organized. If I’d used my personal email, I guarantee important things relating to work would’ve been lost in the shuffle with all of my actual personal stuff.

Never – I repeat: never – give out your phone number, your address, your personal email to a customer or client or sub. They may keep coming back, you may think after a year that you can trust them, but you cannot know any of these people well enough to trust them. It sounds cynical and it absolutely is. It’s that whole “not all men” thing. Not all fans want to screw with you, but anyone can.

Stick to websites where you can keep your anonymity.

I don’t even share my real name or my phone number (usually) with people I plan to work with until I’m in the room with them, signing documents. It’s not that I don’t trust them, but I know how easy it is for information to get leaked accidentally. I’m trying to minimize the risks.

I’d also like to add to this that, if you sell physical items, you should sign up for a PO Box. Ideally, sign up for one in the next city or county to give yourself an added layer of security. For those of you on a budget, you don’t need to do this until you sell your first physical item. Save yourself the fees because it’s not cheap.

Showing your Face or Identifying Marks

You may or may not wish to show your face or tattoos, etc. online. You can absolutely find success while being a “faceless” Domme or performer, but it will take an extra level of creativity. You’ll need to figure out if you want to incorporate that into your content or not mention it at all.

You have a few options to hide your face or other features. Many people wear masks – some will wear lace masks, others ski masks, some even wear crazy Halloween masks. Some people will blur their face in whole or in part – some will only blur the top half, for example. Another option is simply to crop your content, either at the neck or just above the lips.

When it comes to covering tattoos or birthmarks or scars, this is another place with a blur tool comes in handy. There is, of course, makeup you can use, but if these marks are in places where it’s hard to reach, another option is medical tape.

Never post photos looking out your front door. Google Earth – always takin’ pics. Someone can absolutely find you.

Keep in mind that I’m not providing you with every option here. These are just a few ways to help keep your identity a secret.

In-Person work

I don’t do in-person work except for a handful of things related to domination – none of which involves sexual contact. However, I do everything I can to protect my information and my privacy.

You do not have to do anything in-person and don’t let anyone make you believe that you do. That is entirely your choice.

If you sell something like used panties and you offer an in-person meeting to hand them over, make sure you have someone with you, make sure you aren’t followed when you leave. The buyer can do any number of things to get to you including following you – either to your car or while you’re driving home – or taking a photo of your license plate. Think about every scenario before agreeing to something in person.

keep it a secret

You may think bestie won’t tell anyone, you may think your sister will approve, but think seriously before telling anyone. If your bestie is proud (yay!), they may tell one of their friends who doesn’t even know you and, without thinking, say your name in the next breath. Did she mean to out you? No, but she still did.

Your relationships can be affected by this work and that includes family, friends, romantic partners, even neighbors and co-workers if someone finds out. Your partner should probably know, but that’s none of my business. Just be careful.

Protecting others

If someone hasn’t consented to being in your content or connected to your online persona, you need to crop them out of the photos or blur them entirely (preferably the former).

This includes not only friends and family, but service workers. If I’m out getting a pedicure and I want to take a photo for foot subs to reimburse it, I will wait until the person has moved away and out of frame. I don’t care if it’s just their hands or their head is angled down. They have not consented to being visible in my content and I will not display them, even on social media.

We as sex workers need to do better when it comes to this.

Obviously when you’re out in public or something, people in the background are going to be noticed. It happens. But when you’re paying someone for a service, it’s different.

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I’ll say it again. Nothing is foolproof. There will be times you accidentally post to the wrong social media or someone threatens to out you. It’s just life as a sex worker. But I hope this article has helped you prepare.